Stay true to YOU...

So, I always close my post by saying, "stay positive, stay true to you"... 

My life has changed in so many ways... mostly for the good.  But there are times when I really struggle with what my life turned into versus what I had imagined it would be like when I was much younger.  But I am where I am in my life because I started many years ago to stay true to myself.  This isn't always easy and there has been pain and struggle but I can honestly say that I've learned (and am still learning) to honor myself, my values, my worth, and my talents and gifts.

But being authentically "you", can be a scary experience because that means living out the good parts of yourself but also accepting and dealing with the not-so-good things, too.  It means accepting that you are human, you make mistakes, and your actions will not always be approved of by others.  This can be very uncomfortable at first.  However, once you start doing this more and more, it will get easier and feel awesome!!!  

I met someone who reminded me so much of myself and who I was about 10 yrs ago.  This person seemed (and my perception could be wrong), to be living a life created by expectations he or someone else had created years ago.  Yet, he sometimes spoke and acted in ways that felt as if there was someone else inside of him fighting to get out -- which I sensed was the more authentic side of him.  For reasons I may never know, this seemed to be a struggle for him.  All I can say is that if you feel like you are holding back who you truly are, let that person out little by little and eventually, it will become second nature and you will be pleasantly surprised!!

Once you align with (and accept) all of who you are and who you truly want to be and start living it... it's an amazing experience.  It creates a sense of peace and authenticity that attracts more of what you truly want into your life.  It is an incredibly free feeling.

Don't live your life and try to live up to someone else's expectations of you, society's expectations of you, your parents, spouse's, or friend's expectations of you or even outdated expectations you have for yourself.  For many years I lived my life trying to be who I thought other people wanted or expected me to be.  It was pretty miserable. 

I am pretty true to myself these days.  But my life has not turned out as I had once envisioned...  at 47, I live in a small (but wonderful) apartment, I have 2 wonderful sons who are just turning into these amazing young men that make me wildly proud to be their mom, I'm about to be a grandmother for the first time (excited, but I'm not old enough to be a grandma! :-)  I've been single for going on four years and it has it's up sides and down sides.  Now this all sounds great and for the most part, it is.  But my vision many years ago would be that my sons would grow into adults and I would still be married and spending the empty nest years reconnecting with my husband, traveling, and kind of settling into my life a little more... our home would be paid off, we would be moving towards retirement... etc. etc.

So, as you can see, the vision versus the reality is quite different. This can be very uncomfortable at times.  But when I wake up in the morning and look at myself in the mirror, I know I am living my life according to my expectations and values.  I have a new vision for my life that is focused around creating and building stronger, better relationships and being with someone who is better matched to me and vice versa...  Just a few years back, I wanted to travel, make more money,  and have an amazing career.  I still want those things, but building better relationships is more my priority these days...

There are times when I still struggle with being authentically "me" because occasionally I still have that old vision of my life.  So, I work on trusting that I am where I am supposed to be and staying true to myself will bring more wonderful things my way...

“We may not know it, but most of us live to be remembered as someone else and not as who we truly are.”

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment"
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Being yourself is like showing your soul to the world, being somebody else is like showing your shadow in the dark.”

Stay positive,
Stay true to YOU!!

Sue

Encourage me, and I will NOT forget you...

Consider this:

FLATTER me, and I may not BELIEVE You.
CRITICIZE me, and I may not LIKE You.
IGNORE me, and I may not FORGIVE you.
ENCOURAGE me, and I will not FORGET You.

I came across this quote the other day and it really made me stop and think.  Ironically, I had a conversation the following day with a friend who truly encouraged me to think and act much "bigger" in terms of expanding my zumba® career...  Her words helped me to see myself in a different light!  It felt awesome and really motivated me to push myself outside of my own comfort zone to work on that goal!

I'm truly blessed to have a friend who sees potential in me that I don't... and could tell me in a way that was kind and empowering.

Criticism rarely feels good to anyone yet there is some inane justification in some people's minds that criticism is a huge motivator - and yes, I am guilty of that at times.  I was in a marriage in which I was harshly criticized for years.  This wore away at my self-esteem and reinforced to me that I am not good enough.  I've worked really hard to shed that "baggage", and I've made a lot of progress but still have a ways to go...   We also often live out our own negativity and challenges through others rather than taking on the responsibility ourselves to take charge of our own lives and reach for our own dreams.

No one is perfect and this life is to learn lessons and pass our gifts and talents on to others. 

My friend's words to me were kind and not critical which was amazingly motivating!  Don't be your own worst critic and the next time you are being hard on someone else or yourself, think about the positive of whatever situation you or they are in, give that person or yourself a pat on the back for the positives (even if they are little) and forgive yourself for the negatives as we are all human and will make mistakes which usually brings us to a better place in our lives!  Always remember, that you are enough!!

Just came across this and love it!!  Enjoy!

Do the things you used to talk about doing but never did.  Know when to let go and when to hold on tight.  Stop rushing.  Don't be intimidated to say it like it is.  Stop apologizing all the time.  Learn to say no so your yes has some oomph.  Spend time with friends who lift you up, and cut loose the ones that bring you down.  Stop giving your power away.  Be more concerned with being interested than being interesting.  Be old enough to appreciate your freedom, and young enough to enjoy it.  Finally know who you are.    ~ Kristin Armstrong

Stay positive...
Stay true to you...
Sue

What Does YOUR Dream Life Look Like?

So, what is the life of your dreams?  What does that look like? 

The life of your dreams does not mean that you need to be a rock star, CEO of a large corporation, or even a Hollywood celebrity.  The life of your dreams may simply mean that you get to spend more time with your family and work less, take a nice yearly vacation or to have a more fulfilling career.  It doesn't necessarily mean a major life overhaul.
Take some time to sit and think about what you really want for yourself and/or your family and evaluating what things are truly important to you.  Many of us spend our time chasing "things", especially those of which are shiny, new, and expensive... or, we chase money - trust me, I'm just as guilty of this at times as anyone else.

I've been inventorying my own life and some of the things I'm looking at is learning how to work smarter, not harder... spending more of my spare time doing the things that I love... spending time with friends and family along with eating healthier, and better managing my stress.  Overall, I feel I need to re-gain some more balance in my life. 

But don't hold back if you are looking for something on a much grander scale!!  That's ok, too! 
Once you've decided just what it is you desire, then it's time to pretend what it looks and feels like once your life is where you want it to be.  If you have no idea what it may look and feel like, get in touch with your inner child and play pretend in your mind.  For me, I visualize every day what my life looks/feels like when it is balanced, when I'm working smarter/not harder, eating healthier and managing my stress.  I work at feeling those feelings and having those visions every day.  I've done it before with other things in my life and have been amazed at how well it works!! 

We often go the route of taking action steps before preparing your mind for achieving your goals.  When you visualize, it's amazing how the universe will line things up and you will not have to exert yourself as much as you think you do...  However action steps are important, too.  Remember, small manageable action steps always keeping in mind your end result!
Perhaps you know you need a change but are not sure what that is...  so your first step would be doing some inventory of what works and what doesn't in your life.

I will leave you with two great quotes:

         Here is the Divine Dichotomy...
The way to ‘get there’ is to ‘be there’.
Just be where you choose to get!’
It’s that simple.        ~Neale Donald Walsh

What you focus on with your thought and feeling is what you attract
into your experience.  ~Law of Attraction quote

Stay positive,
Stay true to you,
Sue

Quotes to ponder...

Here are some of my favorite quotes.  Quotes that have caused me to dig deep, examine my life, and change the way I see and think about the world and my life... 
How do they apply to you?

The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes. ~Marcel Proust 

Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion.  ~Mirabeau

Sometimes all you can do is not think, not wonder, not obsess. Just breathe and have faith that everything will work out for the best.

For peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe. ~Anon  

You do not have to attend every argument you are invited to...  ~Wayne Dyer
 
If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got...  ~Anon

Be open to everything, but attached to nothing!

"The greatest mistake in the world is to pretend to be someone you're not in order to please someone else. Have the courage to be yourself, no matter what. If you ruffle someone's feathers their reaction is not your business. All you can do is be who you are and who you are is one of a kind. But remember, the same thing goes for everyone else so chances are you'll get your feathers ruffled, too. One word will solve all your problems, allow." ~ Jackson Kiddard

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so out of control that you have to transform your life..." ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

Instead of making up excuses for why something is impossible, it's far better to come up with reasons why it could be possible. One reason why is more powerful than all the reasons why not.~Jackson Kiddard

The Bumps In The Road...

Despite my desire to motivate and inspire people to go after the things they want in life, I can tell you this... there will be bumps in the road on your journey.  Hence the saying... "Nothing worth having comes easy".  Don't get me wrong, I've reached goals and as I've mentioned things "lined up" in my life to make it happen, but there was effort and difficulty along the way.  That's why I will always go back to keeping your eye on the goal and the level of your desire to get there.... "ya gotta want it"
In early November, I lost my mom quite unexpectedly which really shook up the foundation of my life.  My dad passed several years ago.  The world looks very different now that both my parents are gone.  I had a recent health scare, had an awesome opportunity that fell through, and I had to let go of someone I cared deeply for...

It sure feels like I keep getting kicked when I'm down... but I have to have faith that it is all happening to put me in a better place in my life.  This brings me back to the Tony Robbins quote from my previous post...  "the quality of your life is in direct proportion to the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably deal with".  There's so much uncertainty in my life right now that my head is spinning.  I keep faith and hope in my heart that this means the quality of my life is soon to increase to a level beyond my wildest expectations.  How that will all unfold is a huge mystery to me...  which can be quite scary at times. This really difficult time has forced me to truly feel my feelings.  Ironically, I came across this quote which actually made me feel much better during some very dark moments:
 "The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open." ~ Chuck Palahniuk

The good things in our lives are soooooo precious.  Don't take for granted what you think may be part of your life indefinitely.  None of us have any guarantees.  And for whatever may feel really bad right now, remember people's lives can change in an instant (for better or worse) and there are people out there who wished they had your problems instead of their own.  These are even bigger reasons to go for the things you want in life because it's the good stuff that cushions the bumps so that they don't feel like brick walls!!  Let me add this, there is nothing wrong with wanting "things" or money - it is what enables us to have better lives... but put people first, it will come back to you tenfold.  Success is nothing without someone you love to share it with!

And during those really tough times, scream, yell, cry, talk to a friend... feel your feelings because that is what gets you through to the other side!  And I will keep you posted as to when I arrive at the other side...

Stay positive,
Stay true to you,
Sue

Uncertainty... embrace it!!!

I recently came across a quote by one of the most successful motivational/inspirational speakers of our time... the great Anthony Robbins...  here it is,  "the quality of your life is in direct proportion to the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably deal with"...

It took a while to sink in... but if you can live with a great deal of uncertainty in your life, the likelihood of reaching your goals, dreams, desires increases exponentially!!!
I'm living proof - but it took a while for me to recognize this...   What does this have to do with change?  Well, we often don't change because change usually increases that level of uncertainty.  We all need a certain level of certainty in order to feel safe and function well.  Uncertainty usually increases fear which will then leads us to self-sabotaging thoughts and/or actions.  Then, our goals remain just beyond our reach!!
I left an abusive marriage of 16 yrs (beyond scary)... I went back to college at 41 to finish my BA and then I moved on to get my Master's degree.  Never planned on getting my master's but a series of life events pushed me there (however, I always had that desire in the back of my mind).  See how that works?  The intention was there and the universe brought it to me!!  I then decided to become a zumba (R) instructor after being a student for 1.5 yrs and loving every minute of it.  I now teach 4 classes per week. 

Sure, all of these changes were scary!!  But I always ask myself this question when faced with a change, "If I get to the end of my life and look back, would I regret NOT pursuing the change I want"?  If the answer came back to me as "yes", I threw caution to the wind and started moving towards that goal.  Don't get me wrong, I was scared, had 2nd and 3rd doubts, had other people tell me I was crazy, but I just started taking actions steps, and tried my best to not look back.  I can look back now and say that I'm totally glad that I took on the uncertainty of such major changes in my life.  It has made me a much stronger, confident, giving person.  It's getting easier and easier for me to embrace change rather than push it away.

I can also look back and realize that the opportunities were presented to me at exactly the right time and I chose to seize them.  Somehow everything lined up for me which made getting to my goal much easier than I anticipated.  I left a very comfortable job in corporate America to continue my education.  I had no idea how I would support myself... I just believed that everything would work out in my favor.  Guess what?  I got a paid internship, and 2 writing tutor jobs that gave me a decent income.
We often don't seize opportunities when presented to us, only to have them pass us by and it is only later on that we realize that we missed out on once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!!
As the saying goes, "carpe diem".    You really have nothing to lose and everything to gain by embracing the uncertainty and taking those first action steps!!

Stay positive,
Stay true to you!

Sue

Excuses... what are yours?

Perhaps the biggest obstacles making changes in our lives are the excuses we create (yes, create) to keep our wants/desires just beyond our reach.

I've learned that there are two basic reasons why we make excuses:

     1.  We don't really want it (the goal).
     2.  We don't want to do the work required (to reach the goal).

Yup, all the responsibility of attaining our desires lies with us (you).
Here's what else I've learned, most of what we want/desire in our lives requires work and most of us don't want (at least initally) to do the work required so it's just easier to find an excuse.  It's only when the desire to reach the goal or make a change outweighs whatever fears/hesitations we have with making that change that we will pony up and do the work.

After my divorce, I went back to school to complete my Bachelor's degree and then went on to get my Master's degree.  I had wanted to finish my Bachelor's degree for years and one of the bigger fears that held me back was my fear of the math classes required to get the degree.  You see, math is my weakness and it takes way more work for me than many people to grasp certain mathematical concepts.  I didn't have to take trigonometry or calculus... it was algebra I and algebra II.  Yet, I had reached a point in my life where my desire to get that degree outweighed (only slightly) my fear of the math.  I made peace with the fact that I would have to work hard at the math in order to get the degree and that if I did not get an A or even a B, it was ok.  The college offered tutoring 4 nights per week.  I spent a couple of hours at tutoring 2-3 nights per week to help me through those classes.  Whenever I became really discouraged, I kept envisioning my graduation day when I finally received my Bachelor's degree!!  

So, when you think about whatever goal it is you want, and those excuses pop up, ask yourself... is it that I don't really want this change or that I don't want to do the work required of me to get there!!

We live in a fast paced society that hooks us into quick fixes which makes it easy to give up once things become difficult.  Don't buy into it...
Once you get past the excuses, it's much easier to take the action steps to your goal.

"If it is important to you, you will find a way.  If it is not, you will find an excuse."

Stay positive...
Stay true to you...

Sue

Ya just gotta believe...

Probably the best tool in your toolbox for change, is belief in yourself!!  Without that, you can practice all you want to get to your destiny, but it will likely be filled with obstacles and disappointment!!

This is why it is often said that as long as there is a desire to change, no matter how many times you try, you will eventually reach the goal... this is beyond truth, folks!  Without a sincere desire to change, you will only wind up disappointed. 

All of this may sound blatantly obvious, but think back to a goal that you wanted to reach but never met... I can almost guarantee that if you dig deep enough, you will discover that your desire for that goal waned at some point.  I'm not saying that you 100% did not want that change, it's just that the benefit of that change in your life at that time did not create a strong enough desire to reach it.

What are the "excuses" for you not reaching your goal?  Sit down and do some soul searching with excuses.  Excuses are mostly tools to self-sabotage.   I'll talk more about excuses in my next post. 

"What we think determines what happens to us, so if we want to change our lives, we need to stretch our minds."  ~Wayne Dyer

Stay positive... stay true to you!

Sue

React or respond, it's your choice!!

Obstacles, challenges, painful experiences are put in our path to teach us lessons we need to learn which bring us to better places in our lives.  These experiences are what help us to gain wisdom!   But, as with many difficult experiences, it is so much easier to react rather than respond.

You might be wondering what the difference is between the two... reacting is that initial feeling you get that makes you want to lash out at the person/situation that has upset you.  Responding is thinking through your emotions, and recognizing your own personal responsibility/accountability in an upsetting situation.  Responding is also recognizing whether or not the situation that you are so riled up about is worth addressing or not...  I've learned that far more often than not, not addressing the situation is usually the best option.  This can often be way easier said than done, as human nature is to dump all our emotions somewhere else just to get rid of them.

One of the best quotes I've ever come across was from French author, Anais Nin: 

“We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.”

Our reactions to change often stems from how we are "see" that change through our own eyes.  This is what makes having good friends who can offer their perspectives on a situation so very valuable!  Not that their "view" is necessarily correct, but different perspectives can give us insight and help us better manage our response to a situation and avoid that gut reaction.

How does this relate to change and goals?  When your diet/fitness plan isn't going as you planned or relationship/friendship fell apart, how you respond is ultimately up to you!  You could give up and bury your head in the sand, give up on dieting or relationships.  Or, you can ask yourself, "what did I learn from this?"  Then carefully listen to the answer so that when you are in a similar situation down the road, you will be better able to respond more appropriately or make changes so that you do not recreate a negative behavior pattern.

For example, if you often give up once you've cheated on your diet, maybe you'll realize that you do that because you begin the process of self-loathing which is such a negative energy that perpetuates hopelessness and failure.  So, the next time you fall off the diet wagon, you realize that you are just human and it's not the end of the world and you will get back on track!!   Or, if a relationship ended, you recognize that perhaps it had run its course or was not a healthy relationship to begin with...  Then just keep moving forward in hope and faith that things happen (or don't) to put you in a better place to in the future!  This involves having faith in God, the Universe or your higher power...

In every difficult situation is potential value. Believe this, then begin looking for it. ~Norman Vincent Peale

It is a rough road that leads to the heights of greatness.  ~Seneca

Stay positive,

Sue

Success breeds success...

The last post focused on how change is a process, not an event and how to meet your goals you should focus on the goal in terms of small, manageable action steps. 

Think about a time in your life when you have experienced success and the feelings you had when that happened.   Amazing stuff, right?   You likely experienced happiness and joy that you wished you could bottle up to use in the future.   These feelings (vibrations) are what the universe picks up on and start to bring you the people, places, things you desire.  Yet most of us do not experience these feelings frequently enough to bring an abundance of what we desire.

My point?  Setting small, manageable goals sets us up for success.  Success creates and sends out those positive vibrations to the universe which returns great things to us.  So, if you experience a lot of these small successes, more good feelings are created which will motivate you to continue the actions steps towards your goals.  The universe will start to continuously bring you more of what you want/desire which will get you to your goal faster.

Success is also a habit that we need to practice daily.  This practice not only includes action steps towards your goals, but practicing monitoring our negative thoughts and learning how to turn them around into positive thoughts about reaching your goals.  It can be challenging at first, but if you start off small and do it every day, your success will breed success and success will start to snowball in your life!!  Trust me!  I've lived this and practiced it - it works!  

Thinking is a habit, and like any other habit, it can be changed; it just takes effort and repetition.

~ John Eliot, Ph.D. ~

Winners make a habit of manufacturing their own positive expectations in advance of the event.

~ Brian Tracy ~

'Til next time...
Stay positive! 

Sue

Important! Change is a process NOT an event...

Here we are, January 1, 2012.  So, what changes/goals are you moving towards this year?

In your journey towards your goals, it is really important to remember that it is just that, "a journey".  A series of actions in which we take some steps forward and some steps backwards.  Some of the greatest joy I've ever experienced came to me during the journey towards a goal, rather than actually reaching it - but reaching the destination provides plenty of joy, too!! 

This can be a difficult to embrace because we live in such an instant gratification culture.  God forbid we have to actually wait more than seconds or minutes for something.  Have you ever experienced this while texting someone?  I have!  You know, that feeling like it is taking someone forever to respond to one of your messages when in reality, it's maybe been 10 minutes... or less.  We have so much at our available to us at the push of a button which makes waiting so challenging.

What one thing can you do today make it happen?   The most important thing I've learned to make changes in my life is to think big but act small.  What does this mean?  Always, always, always envision yourself reaching the goal and what that looks and feels like, but savor the experiences in reaching your destination, both the good and the bad.   The good fuels our fire to keep going, and the bad can be great learning experience if you choose to view it as that rather than letting it rattle your world - easier said than done at times, though.

Whatever general idea you have in your head of how long it will take you to reach a goal, I encourage you to double that amount of time. This may feel discouraging, but I promise you that in doing this, you are setting yourself up for success! Why? Because if you are able to reach the goal sooner, you will feel doubly proud of yourself, if it takes the exact amount of time, then you are also successful. What if it takes longer? Be kind to yourself and embrace it trusting that the universe brought that goal to you in the time that was right for you! Don't question it, don't judge it, just embrace it!

I frequently hear people talk about wanting to lose weight/get fit. Often, someone who has been totally sedentary for months or even years resolves to go to the gym every day or 3-4 times per week. Um, if you've been sedentary for a long time, you are already settting yourself up for failure. How about something like this.... adding 15-30 minutes of exercise 1-2 times per week. Whew, doesn't that feel more doable? Less anxiety provoking? After all, even 15 minutes of activity 1-2 times per week is way more than you were doing if you were sedentary!! Works the same for changing your diet. If you add one healthy food choice per day (or every couple of days) or eliminate/reduce an unhealthy food choice, that's works, too!! Hence my advice to double your goal time.

You will not always be successful in reaching your goals.  That's ok, too!  Sometimes we need to fall short in order to re-evaluate the goal and perhaps change it or get rid of it all together.  I will use losing weight as an example.  Many people struggle with reaching that goal because they see it as an event, not a process and the goal usually gets set waaaaaaay too high.  But it feels much different if you think of it as a lifestyle change, improving your diet, adding some physical activity, and caring for your body and maybe not having a numerical goal for your weight but just improving your overall health habits. For me, whenever I've looked at health/fitness in this way, I have had far more success.

Above all, be kind to yourself on your journey!! 

The road of life twists and turns and no two directions are ever the same. Yet our lessons come from the journey, not the destination.” ~Don Williams, Jr

Stay positive!!

Sue